Graymail
by PusheenTheLimits
Summary: Does blackmail between friends reeeally count as blackmail? Akko doesn't seem to think so!


Lotte Jansson gasped as her armful of textbooks tumbled to her bedroom floor. Her friend Akko was sitting on her bed, clutching Lotte's personal collection of Night Fall fanfiction in her hands. _This can't be happening_ Lotte thought as she furiously shook her head. Akko looked up and met Lotte's eyes, a mischievous grin spreading across her face.

Akko took a deep breath in, preparing to read but collapsing into a fit of giggles instead. She tried again, and managed to get the first couple sentences out. "Belle looked at her vampire boyfriend from afar. She admired how his shimmery skin shone through his sheer silk shirt."

Akko flopped onto her back, almost choking with laughter at this point. She took another gasp of air and clutched her hand to her heart as she continued reading. "She couldn't take it anymore, she needed to taste his vampire deliciousness. Belle lunged for Edgar, ripped off his beautiful silky blouse, and-"

"AKKO!" Lotte screamed as she stomped over and made a futile attempt at grabbing the journal out of Akko's hands.

"Uh-uh!" Tutted Akko as she pushed against Lotte's forehead with her free arm. "Don't worry, I'll keep this safe and sound for you! At least until you've given me what I need."

"You shouldn't have taken it in the first place. This violates our roommate agreement y'know" Lotte began to mumble as she collected her textbooks off the floor.

"Well desperate times call for desperate measures!" Akko exclaimed cheerfully. "And I'm _very_ desperate."

Lotte began racking her brain for an explanation for Akko's strange behavior. "Are you failing Potions again? Sucy already offered to tutor you!"

"Nope! I have a solid C-!" Declared Akko. "I need help with something much less academic" She jumped up from her bed, narrowly avoiding slamming her head into the upper bunk. "I need dirt."

"Dirt?" Lotte repeated distractedly, as a vision of the grounds outside popped into her head. "I'm sure the groundskeepers wouldn't mind you taking some, as long as you asked first…"

Akko let out an exasperated sigh while she cradled her forehead in her palm. "Not that type of dirt, Lotte. I need information." Akko linked her hands behind her back and began to pace the room erratically. "I've decided that there's no way Diana could be this smart just through natural talent. She has to have a secret source to her power. And if I can find this source, I can use it to become as amazing as Shiny Chariot... Maybe even better!" Akko began to cackle as she violently opened her drawers to retrieve a piece of paper and a pen.

Lotte quietly wondered if Sucy had slipped something into Akko's breakfast that morning.

"That's certainly an idea…" Lotte began, trying her best not to immediately point out the fact that this "secret source of power" probably came from the hours Diana spent practicing and studying. "But even if you're right about this secret source, how would you find it?"

Akko stopped her furious scribbling of plans to glance up at Lotte. "Isn't it obvious? You send your fairies to spy on her!"

Lotte shot a small glare at Akko as she took a seat at her desk. "Why would I ever ask them to do something like that?

"Becaaaaause I'm not returning your journal until you do!" Akko teased in a sing song voice.

Lotte considered her situation. She knew that while Akko was desperate, she was still her friend and wouldn't do anything cruel like share her story with the school. However, she _really_ wanted her journal back. Besides, it wasn't like they were going to steal anything or hurt anyone... A little spying was forgivable, right?

"Fine." Relented Lotte, as she watched Akko's face light up with excitement. "But we're not stealing anything!"

"Of course not, would I ever do such I thing?" Asked Akko with mock offense, her hand clasped against her chest.

"You stole my journal and decided to use it to blackmail me."

"This hardly counts as blackmail" Akko argued. "It's just a cordial deal between friends! It's more like… graymail!"

"Ok let's just get this over with so you can stop 'graymailing' me" Responded Lotte, her patience with Akko growing thin. "What exactly would you like me to do?"

"Just ask your spirit friends to watch Diana and report back with any potentially valuable intel!"

"That's it?" Lotte responded, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"That's it!" Chirped Akko in response. "It'll be easy!" Akko grabbed Lotte by the wrist and dragged her out the door. "Let's go already! The sooner I get my dirt the sooner you can get your journal back."

Allowing herself to be heaved through the doorway, Lotte began to wonder what crimes she had committed in a past life to deserve a friend like Akko.

Lotte couldn't help but smile as she prepared to summon a spirit. She was an unremarkable witch with average physical features, but she knew that this skill of hers was something exceptional. She closed her eyes and sang her familiar song, the words flowing effortlessly past her lips. As she finished up, she opened her eyes to find Akko staring at the spirit inquisitively.

"Is something wrong?" She asked Akko, who had started poking the spirit's stomach with her index finger while it unsuccessfully tried to wrestle her finger away.

"What exactly are you going to tell the spirit to do?" Akko inquired, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"I'm going to ask it to look around Diana's room and try and find anything that could help you." Lotte explained patiently. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh no reason! Just do your thing and I'll wait patiently over here" Akko said as she walked across the room and leaned against the door frame. She crossed her arms and began to whistle.

Lotte gently picked up the spirit and placed it on her shoulder. She whispered into the spirit's ear as it nuzzled against her neck. "I know this is an unusual request…" She began, resisting the urge to direct a small frown towards Akko, "but if you could help me I would really appreciate it!"

When she finished explaining the situation the spirit gave her a final cuddle, jumped off her shoulder, and diligently waddled off towards Diana's room.

"All we can do now is wait." Sighed Lotte. Akko slowly glanced over at Lotte, paused, and then made a wild dash down the hallway.

"Akko!?" Lotte cried out, debating whether or not to chase after her.

Lotte sighed and shook her head. Wherever Akko went, trouble soon followed, and Lotte had already had more than enough trouble for one day. She kicked off her shoes and climbed up to her bed, deciding that the best solution for this exhausting day was a nice long nap.

"JACKPOT!" Yelled Akko as she launched herself into the bedroom, completely oblivious to the fact that Lotte was in the middle of a blissful dream involving an unusually large bar of Finnish chocolate.

Lotte woke up with a start, quickly sitting upright in her bed. "What about Jack?" She asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

Akko marched towards Lotte's bunk, victoriously holding her prize in the air. "I got Diana's journal!"

"Oh no" Whispered Lotte, as she felt the blood drain from her face. "We have to send it back! You promised we wouldn't steal anything!"

"I managed to convince your spirit friend to help me borrow Diana's journal." Stated Akko proudly, as she sat down on her bed. "And like I said before, I'm not stealing, I'm borrowing! I'm going to return it after I finish reading!"

Lotte scanned the room until she found the spirit hiding behind a chair leg. It was devouring a piece of candy and guiltily avoiding eye contact with Lotte. She decided she would have to give it a little talking to about loyalty after she finished dealing with Akko.

Lotte climbed down from her bunk, sat next to Akko, and buried her face in her hands. "Please just read it quickly, if someone finds out about this we're both done for."

Akko closed her eyes and slowly took a deep breath in. She carefully opened up the black leatherbound journal, relishing the moment where her life would change forever. She opened her eyes and prepared to receive the earth-shattering secrets behind the success of Diana Cavendish.

Lotte watched as Akko's jaw fell to the floor. "What is it?" She demanded as Akko slowly shook her head, got up, and dropped the journal on the bed. "What's wrong?"

Akko couldn't summon up the strength to reply.

Lotte slowly reached for the journal, her heart racing as she thought of all the possible contents of the journal. _Did Diana murder someone and steal their powers? Was she really an ancient witch sucking the youth out from the students around her? Maybe Diana wasn't really a witch at all, but an undercover agent for an anti-magic cult!_

Lotte picked up the journal and began to narrate the horrors contained within.

"Belle could hardly contain herself. In front of her stood the most handsome werewolf she had ever seen, his massive hairy body glistening in the moonlight. She had to have a slice of that furry pie. She lunged for Arthur, ripped off his already shredded-to-bits shirt and-"

Lotte couldn't continue, disgust filling every square inch of her body as she came to a haunting realization.

Diana Cavendish was Team Arthur.


End file.
